Shooting Stars
by AmyHale
Summary: They're step-siblings. They hated each other. Now they're in love. They are a lot of things, but it's a lot more difficult than words. It's about trust, and honesty. It's about other people, and finding themselves again. Will they survive? AU
1. Prologue

**Prologue – Waking up in Vegas**

_What the hell have I ever done to deserve this?_

I mean, not that I'm totally innocent. I drink, I smoke, I take drugs, I don't respect other people's feelings, I tell lies.

And it's not that life has been fair to me (my father left me, my mother neglects me, I was raped.)

But it's okay, I get it, I'm not a perfect person and I don't even try to get better. I just go around and fuck some random guys, and I simply don't care about anything.

So maybe all this is like a punishment for how bad I always behave.

Still, I don't think that waking up one morning next to my step-brother and with an unequivocal ring on my left fourth finger is a very fair thing.

It's just that I woke up and I freaked out when I saw him – when I saw _us_ – in that unknown bed. Then I looked out of the big window and I saw, through the night, an enormous neon sign: VEGAS.

And at that point I remembered. I remembered my tears and his sweet words (his first sweet words towards me) after I told him about the rape. Then the alcohol. I can't live without alcohol, it's the most effective way to kick away the pain. And the long flight in his arms. Then, alcohol again, in Vegas this time, and the lights in the casino. I remember I laughed. I always laugh when I'm in places like that.

But that's all I remember. I mean, I know it was a one-night stand. Well, several one-night stands. But I really can't comprehend how I got to this point.

I'm a major, so I don't have to account for anything I do to my parents. And so is he.

But, _how the hell do I fix this?_

Besides, I feel nauseous. And I've never felt like that when I had a hangover. Ever.


	2. Chapter one

**Chapter one – I might be pregnant/I might be in love with you**

She has a feeling. And when Meredith Grey has feelings, nothing usually ends well.

One, two, three... seven. Seventeen. No, wait...! It's been a month.

And she's not one of those people who cares about her period. When it comes, it comes.

But today she has a feeling. And she's late. Oh, she sure is late. So, today she cares.

She almost has an anxiety attack while she waits to pay for the pregnancy test.

She looks at it for about five minutes as she sits on the floor of the bathroom, thinking of how to tell him if it's positive.

She finally gain the courage to actually pee on it, and then there's another two minutes of waiting. Two minutes that never end.

The word 'pregnant!' (she makes a grimace reading the exclamation point) flashes in front of her eyes, and she swallows in a mixture of shock and panic.

At least, she is sure of who the father is.

_**xxx**_

"Mark?" she is shivering, she is hesitant, she is trying to hide it with all her strengths.

She stares at him from the doorway of his bedroom, waiting until he finally rises his eyes from the computer and looks at her.

"Yes Meredith?"

She crosses her arms on her chest, stepping in towards the bed, and sits slowly.

"I think I might...be pregnant." she says with her eyes set on her inevitable high-heeled shoes.

"You're pregnant?" he repeats.

"I... yes, I am pregnant Mark."

"Am I... I mean, are you sure that I am the father? Because that's why you are telling me, I mean..."

"It could be no one else. I'm sorry, I know it wasn't supposed to last. It's already ending. I can plan an abortion, I promise I won't tell anybody, I-"

"No, Mer, wait – what? You got me wrong. I was just shocked. I want it to last. I-I think I never felt this way before. I don't know how it happened. There was a time when I hated you... you were nothing to me. And then suddenly I started to feel a little bit of pity... and then again you were all I could think about. When we kissed or slept together – it wasn't planned, but I don't regret it. I don't know what this is... except maybe, maybe I just might be in love with you."

Meredith is looking at him now, she's looking him in his eyes, and all she wants to do is run, fly away in a blink of an eye, in the time of a breath, and the only thing that she really wants it's to actually be able to _breathe_ again, because she can't.

Mark smiles, does the three steps that are still separating them, caresses her cheek softly and somehow calms her with his presence.

"Just think about it."


	3. Chapter two

**Chapter two - Alone without you/Where do I go now?**

It had been a little more then a week since Mark's confession, and Meredith had decided to keep the baby and try to make it work with him, even though it was literally freaking her out every time she properly thought about it.

She still hadn't told her mother the news, she knew she would be ashamed and disgusted, and the first thing she needed right now was calm and peace.

Mark's dad Grayson and his close friend John didn't know either, but Meredith wasn't sure of how John would take it, so she asked Mark to keep it for himself at the moment.

The only people who knew were Kayla and Jackson, her best friends, and to her it was okay that way.

They were the only one who knew the story, they'd known it for years and never made questions, never judge, never looked at her with pity in their eyes. For that, Meredith was grateful.

"Hi." she said as she sat at the table of the bar next to Kayla.

"How are you doing today?"

She shrugged. "Normal."

"How does it feel to have someone inside of you?" Jackson asked.

"Are you serious? You're talking with _me_ Jackson, heartless sex-obsessed girl."

"Well sweetie sorry to break it to you but you have to grow up if you really mean to have that baby. He or she is gonna rely on you forever, you'll have to take care of them." he told her seriously. He surely was the more mature of them.

"Jack, leave her alone."

I don't know why I did it. I guess I just fell again into that routine, those simple things I did before Mark happened, and I didn't even realized until he found out.

When I looked him in his eyes, as he stared at my naked body, while I was lying beside someone else, I couldn't help but feel guilty, and sorry. Sorry for the baby we hadn't met yet, sorry because he loved me, and because I was who I was and didn't know a way to change.

Guilty, because I've always felt guilty when he looked at me, in that way that implied I did something wrong. He always looked at me like _I_ was wrong. That was the thing that made me hate him when I was a child, and that made me fall for him when, some weeks earlier, I had thought he stopped.

_**xxx**_

"Hey Derek." he breathed, knocking on he door. "Can I talk to you for a minute?" he pleaded with his big eyes.

"I'll be right back." he told the girl, standing up and following his friend out of the room, to the big garden.

"What happened, man?"

"I'm having a baby." he blurted.

"You're having a baby?"

"Yes! Uh, well, I guess I'm not sure anymore. The mother of the baby, she's, she's Meredith, my step-sister. And... I wouldn't be surprise if she went and had an abortion in the meanwhile, would you?"

"What? Meredith? Please, start from the very beginning."

"Six weeks ago, Meredith and I kissed. We were at home, and we were fighting, you know that happens a lot. We were yelling and she almost threw her shoe at me, and then there was silence and she kissed me. And we laughed, and I kissed her back. And that went on for a few days."

"What? Sex?"

"No, sex came later! So, at one point we also had sex. And we didn't know what we were doing so we didn't talk about it. And, I don't know, I started to notice things. How her body tenses up every time her mother enters the room, how she has to catch her breath when she sees John. The way John is always around her, touching her hair... And that she always wears long-sleeved shirts. One night she told me, because I saw the cuts. She told me and she was crying... She said that John, my dad's friend, raped her when she was eleven, and from that moment he never stopped having sex with her. He threatened her, I don't know how. Now he stopped. She said he told her it was over and they hadn't had to do it anymore. She didn't ask. And she told me... she told me that I always made her think that I was disgusted by her, all these years. Maybe I was, I-I don't know. So, I was saying, I held her. And I didn't know how to calm her down, so I made her have a few drinks, and I drank too and then we were on a plane and in Las Vegas and in the morning we were _married_. And then she's telling me she's pregnant and I tell her I love her. And she stays and keeps the baby. And then she goes and cheats on me, because she's Meredith and that's what she does, she has sex with everyone. I'm not saying that she's a whore, but maybe she really is. You know, just a little. A little, bit." he finally breathed, and looked at Derek, who was staring blankly at him, his mouth open.

"I don't know what to do now." he added, with bitterness.


	4. Chapter three

**Chapter three - I'm Meredith/I'm Derek**

She knows she shouldn't drink, but when she takes the first sip of that – to her – nectar, she knows she won't stop, not that night.

The party/meeting before the first day at work had been a disaster; she hadn't met anybody and she missed her son. So when, once outside and wondering whether to light a cigarette or not, she saw the bar, she immediately considered it a way to escape.

Now she was sitting on an uneasy stool and drinking tequila like water, grateful for the fact that her babysitter had offered to stay the night.

The woman asked the bartender for another drink, swearing in her head that it's the last.

"You are gonna be sorry in the morning." the man tells her in a joke, and she smiles.

"I'm always sorry in the morning." she says. "But, tomorrow I start my first day at work, so..." she blinks, taking a sip.

An handsome man with black hair and, she notices, blue eyes, approaches the counter.

"Double Scotch, single malt." the man orders, glancing at her.

He talks to her, but she looks away, choosing to ignore what becomes a very awkward conversation.

He notices, and when he talks again looking in her beautiful eyes she knows she fell. "Because I'm someone you need to get to know to love."

He's sure of himself, and she decides to play his game, and even though she's just 'a girl in a bar', she lets it become 'two people together in a bar, who leave together and wake up together'. _Dangerous_.

_**xxx**_

He watches her for a while, memorizing her moves and the way her hair falls on her shoulders, counting every drink she has and noticing that the bartender guy likes her.

"Double Scotch, single malt." he can't help but look at her impudently, and smile satisfied as, seeing her face, he thinks it's even better than her back.

He starts conversation, unable to look away; he won't remember the words he said later, he'll just think that he already used that technique – with another woman.

He puts an hand on her back as they walk out of the front door. "What's your name, anyway?"

"I'm Meredith."

"I'm Derek."


	5. Chapter four

**Chapter four – He's my boss!/This is Dennison**

Her first actions in the morning felt like the routine she was used to when she was younger and irresponsible. Awkward telling of names, rustling of clothes, a quick shower, and then – then it became normal, just like everyday. She got dressed, fixed her hair and rolled her eyes while doing it, she woke up Dennison and made him eat. Then, she left a note for the babysitter with the schedules of the kid's school, she kissed him on his head and drove to the hospital.

The first day was literally a massacre. Her patient was a pain in the ass, and that Dr. Bailey scared her a little bit with her manners. She found herself getting along with Izzie and Cristina, but she suspected that they knew about her mother and for that she didn't feel completely comfortable around them.

At lunch time, she called Denny's school to know if everything was going well, and she made a relieved sigh when she heard his cheerful voice. She promised him pizza for dinner – she did it a lot lately – and ran back to work.

She'll remember it was exactly 15:03 when she saw him standing there, with the other doctors and a very different look from the one he had the previous night.

She blushed, turned on her heel, almost ran.

He stopped her to talk, and she surely answered back; she didn't remember a single thing though – she was too occupied thinking _'he's my boss!'_

_**xxx**_

He cornered her again that night, when she was walking towards the hospital's door.

"How about you have a drink with me?" he touched her arm, making her stop.

"I can't, _Dr. Shepherd_. I have a pizza to buy on my way home and someone to feed with that pizza." she hoped her acid tone could discourage him.

"Well, who is that someone?"

She raised her eyebrows. "I think this is none of your business."

"Let me walk to you car, then." he gave her his charming and disarming smile.

Meredith rolled her eyes. "If you insist."

"I do."

Meredith allowed him to take her by her arm while they walked, but once at the car she immediately closed the door without saying goodbye. She started the engine, but it didn't switch on. She retried a few times, and in the end she looked up at Derek who was staring at her with raised eyebrows.

She got off the car. "I might need a drive home."

"Follow me." he answered her triumphant. She rolled her eyes.

In the car, Derek put on one of his CDs – The Clash.

Meredith made a grimace and looked outside of the window. She had known way too much well another person with the same taste in music.

He glanced at her briefly, finding out that he didn't like that much her hair's color. It was a little too common. The he looked at her again, longer this time, and smiled satisfied.

_**x**_

"I'm home!" she called out, immediately hearing the boy running down the stairs.

"Mommy!" he embraced her tight, with his soft hands and his shining eyes.

Meredith knelt down and placed a big kiss on his forehead, watching him like it was the first time, always surprised of how amazing her son was. Then, she turned her head towards her boss, still on the doorway. "This is Dennison, my seven-year-old son." she said.


	6. Chapter five

**Chapter five – Dr. McDreamy&Dr. Grey on a date**

_I have a date. I have a date. Like... a real date._ She keeps telling herself these words, because she just can't believe that she's going on a date for the first time in her life. She won't ever admit it, but she's never been on a date. Seeing boys were never a romantic thing to her, boys were nothing but a sex toy. And she reluctantly thinks that maybe Mark was more, but it didn't last long enough to even think about a date.

Derek was different. Derek was nice and caring and charming, he was a mature person who hung on her lips in adoration. He made her feel loved and beautiful, something that she never felt. The only feelings sex and boys had ever given her were satisfaction and power.

_I have a date!_

She wears her black sheath dress and lucid high heeled shoes, a diamond collar and some shining earring. She grabs a bottle of perfume and sprays some drops of it on right before the doorbell rings.

She smiles surprised seeing the flowers, and almost forgets to kiss her little boy goodnight.

She remembers though, and as she waits for him to run downstairs she tries to hide her agitation.

He watches her in amazement, thinking she seems an angel – a perfect innocent angel.

He doesn't know she's anything but innocent.

He suggests her his favorite meal, orders wine and offers to pay, like a gentleman.

He caresses her hand as they talk, reminiscing some old memories. Memories that aren't so old but look so far away.

When he kisses her goodnight, she can't find not even a single thing that feels better.


	7. Chapter six

**Chapter six – He has a wife/Lost again**

She saw fear and guilt in his eyes as he talked to her, but above all that she's sure she saw relief – relief to finally see her again.

"I'm Addison Shepherd." it hit her like a wave of cold water, it made her freeze on her feet in shock. She knew what the 'Shepherd' meant, she knew the woman wasn't his sister or cousin. But she had to ask, to make sure that the second thing in her life who made her feel good was really ending.

"Shepherd?"

She almost imagined what her words would be before she pronounced them. "And you must be the woman who's been screwing my husband."

She felt her own face get paler, she watched as the world around her kept rolling while she couldn't move. Then, in a mere second everything became clear again, normal. She ran outside in the rain, hoping nobody would notice her little tears falling down.

_**xxx**_

"Derek's married. I win." she said.

"McDreamy's McMarried? McAss!"

Her friend's words should have made her feel like laughing, but she just felt lost. Lost, lost more than ever.

"Mom, is Dr. McDreamy coming over tonight? I wanna show him my new toy car." her son asked her later.

"Not tonight, honey." and it almost break her, to say those words. Almost. Almost, because she had to be strong; strong for her lovely son and for herself. She couldn't allow herself to get back to the place where she was before Denny's birth. So, they _almost_ break her.

She felt lost, though. She couldn't kick away the feeling. It was a painful déjà vu, an horrible sensation of emptiness. And she hoped not to fall in the vortex again. She _prayed_ for Derek to become only a little piece of memory that didn't hurt, that didn't slice her. She wished he hadn't become, in those short months of dating, as important as _he_ was. Otherwise, she was done for. She wouldn't be able to cancel him off her mind.


	8. Chapter seven

**Chapter seven – He's Mark!/She's Meredith!**

"Invasive non-cell wi-" she turns around to see who's talking, because even if the voice sounds familiar she can't place it. She instantly feels something huge stuck in her throat, taking her breath away.

"-th a history of COPD. That guy's pretty much a goner, huh?" he finishes his sentence, but of course he recognized her. How could he not? And, she thinks, his voice died down just a little bit as he talked, and his eyes were lost for a second.

"Sensitivity, I like that in a stranger." it takes her only a few moments to decide that she wants to play the I-never-met-you-before game. This way, she can have more time to think. "Are you new here?" she needs to look away though. His eyes are too beautiful and she would get lost in them.

"Visiting, confounded by all the rain and it's only my first day in town." he plays her game, because she's Meredith and she'll always set the rules. It's always been like this.

"You get used to it." she answers, struggling to look and act normal when inside her heart is pulsing.

"It makes me want to stay in bed all day." and, of course, if she's Meredith then he's _Mark_, and he absolutely has to be equal, so he goes and makes sex comments. Or something that implies it in some kinda annoying way.

"We just met and already you're talking about bed, not very subtle." she won't fall for him. She refuses to.

"Subtle has never been one of my strong points." his smile, though, is exactly one of his strong points. And he's using it now. "So tell me, do you ever go out with co-workers?" the game is getting funnier and funnier.

Unbelievable. "I, huh, make it a rule not to."

"Then I am so glad that I don't work here."

Screw her cheating manias. He missed her.

"Are you hitting on me? In a hospital?" discretion was never something they cared about.

"Would that be wrong?"

She shakes her head jokingly, amused. Game is almost over. Screw their past, if she doesn't touch him right now she could die.

"Meredith-"

And, then, right when their hands brush in an electric shot, Mark is pushed on the ground.

"What the hell was that?" she cries; hating Derek for ruining the moment. Oh, and for having a secret wife. And for not minding his own business, too. But mostly it's because he ruined the moment, she can't deny that.

"That's Mark."

And as she glances as the too men, it gets to her. Derek is Mark's childhood friend! And Addison... Oh God, Addison. After all, _it is_ his business.

He gets up slowly, glaring at Derek. "Seriously man? It's not like they're all yours." at least, Meredith isn't. He can have everyone else.

"Mark, are you okay?"

And as he listens to her caring and worried voice, it gets to him. He's Dennison's father, the one she told him about on their second date! "He's Mark!" he yells in her face, his eyes wide open in shock.

And then, it gets to him a second time, because an old conversation he had with his best friend eight and something years earlier comes to his mind. And suddenly, Meredith isn't just his ex-girlfriend, or an intern in the hospital he works in.

"She's Meredith!" this time, his voice expresses all the hysteria he feels inside. And he feels like he's choking, because _Meredith_ is Mark's _step-sister_.


	9. Chapter eight

**Chapter eight – I wanna meet my son/Daddy!**

"Stop looking at her!"

I turn around hearing Derek's voice – and I throw him my best death glare. He has to stop with his annoying remarks and name calling.

"Why? She's my wife! We were married, you know? Go look for your own wife." Mark always has an answer to Derek's comments, but they're almost always as annoying as his friend's – ex-friend – words.

"Stop it!" I slam my chart on the nurses station's counter. "Mark, stop looking at me! Dr. Shepherd, go away."

When he leaves, whining, I finally turn towards my husband or whatever he is. "What do you want from me?"

"First of all, I want to know if you kept my kid."

I feel something in my throat preventing me to speak.

Mark does one step forward.

"Second, I want to meet my son or daughter."

I clear my throat, struggling to keep my eyes on his face. I read his lips as he talks.

"Son."

He nods his head, numb.

"Good. I wanna meet my son."

_**xxx**_

"Dennison?" I smile at my baby boy when he looks up from his toys, taking a seat in front of him on the floor. "Honey, do you remember when you asked me if you had a Dad?"

He nods, staring at me in silence.

"And do you remember what I told you?"

Again, Denny gives me a nod. Steadier this time. "You said that he loved me but lived far away from here so he couldn't be with me."

"Yeah kiddo, that's what I said." I run my finger along my son's cheeks, thinking of how handsome he is. How much he looks like Mark. His father. "He is here now."

Denny's eyes light up as he hears that, he jumps on his feet happily. His face is full of joy, giving me warmth.

"Can I meet him, Mom?"

"Yeah honey, you can if you want to."

"I want to Mommy! _Please_."

"Okay then." I stand up and take his little hand in mine, walking towards the stairs. "He's downstairs, okay buddy? He's waiting for you, but if you don't feel comfortable you have to tell Mommy."

He stops right before opening the living room door. "Will you come in with me?" he seems scared, worried. I hold his hand even tighter.

"Of course."

Denny and Mark stare at each other in awe, taking in all they can about the other. Finally, slowly, Dennison makes a step forward and reaches out for his father; Mark opens his arms and our son lets him hold him. "Hi Daddy. I really wanted to meet you. You're a very perfect birthday present."

Mark looks up at me, a question in his light eyes. I smile. "He'll be eight next Sunday."

"Oh. Well, I guess you like your present then?"

"Yes Daddy. Thank you."

"Anytime buddy." Mark whispers as he continues to rock him.


End file.
